Culpwrit

 

I was both amused and confused this morning when a TV anchor wished everyone a “Merry Thanksgiving.” The unfamiliar holiday word choice reminded me it was time to write an annual Thanksgiving week blog post, beginning with the importance of thank-you notes — a lost art.

Earlier this month, there was a large PR industry event in Chicago where several senior professionals, me included, invited students, young pros and others to attend as their guests. Several days later, I was asked by one disappointed host who paid a sizable amount to purchase tickets for his guests if I had heard from any of my invitees. Unfortunately, I’ve grown accustomed to rarely receiving follow-up thank-you notes — although I did hear afterwards from three of some 15 guests.

“What a missed opportunity,” my friend said. “This is one of the easiest ways to set yourself apart from others and become memorable. And formal etiquette rules no longer require the follow-up to be handwritten. Email is perfectly acceptable.”

I agreed and thought I’d reprise my 10 favorite tips on becoming a great guest and will make you memorable.

I’m helping plan a social event for next week. So, far we’ve sent out four rounds of invitations. Each round nets more RSVPs.

Event planners indicate that only 30% of invited guests respond to the first round of invitations. Whether you’re going or not, respond promptly.

Don’t just show up. Show up! Think about who will likely be there and do some homework. Coming prepared for relevant, informed conversation is appreciated by hosts and fellow guests.

Unless it is an informal open house that states a range of hours (from 4 to 8 p.m.), try to show up within 30 minutes of the start time. If any program speaking is planned, it usually comes between 30 and 45 minutes after the event begins. Showing up on time is greatly appreciate by hosts who are nervous until guests start to arrive, plus you get to spend more time with the event hosts.

Asking good questions and active listening will engage others and make you the most interesting person at the party. Yep, it’ll be you, not the jabber box trying to be the center of attention.

Even if you think you’re talking with a sympathetic audience, politics today is far too polarized to bring to a social event unless you absolutely certain that everyone there leans your way politically. Even then, it is highly risky to discuss politics in larger social settings. (I admit this is difficult for me these days, but I’ll keep trying).

Work conversation is often a good icebreaker but try to move onto other subjects in order to not bore others who won’t be as interested. My wife has stopped going to most of my social events, noting there is too much “shop talk.” If attends, she calls a “time out” or finds others at the party who might not be fixated on rehashing business issues.

Try to keep your phone in your pocket with the ringer turned off. One mobile-addicted friend leaves his phone at the staffed coat check. At the very least, don’t use your phone as a social crutch. This makes you look bored, not important.

Switch to soda or water before allowing yourself to be over served. As engaging and funny as you think you’re being perceived, that’s probably not what the other guests are observing.

No matter how much fun you are having, if the invitation had a specific start and end time. Unless you’re the host, don’t stay later than the stated end time–unless you’ve offered  to help clean up.

Back to where this blog started. Write a timely thank-you note – either email or handwritten.